80 things NOT to do at Bullworth
by Coloured Flames
Summary: My failed attempt at humor. I didn't mean to insult anyone if i did!


**A/N. This list is 'probably' very untrue. Enjoy it.  
I know I fail at humor, but anyway...  
(Some of these were from the voiceover my friend and I did. In the voiceover, a bird took all of Derby's ice-cream, Johnny got kicked out of Potato Land, Parker randomly popped up in the conversation and said 'POTATO' and Petey was half-blind.)**

1. It's not a good idea to say on your first day 'My name is (Name) and I like kitties.'

2. If you're a Preppy, do not go anywhere near the autoshop- You'll regret everything.

3. The teachers really don't appreciate being called 'man' or 'lady.'

4. Do not fall out of the bell tower- Gary learned the hard way.

5. Dr. Crabblesnitch would rather be called his real name, not 'Crabblebitch.'

6. Do not pick on Petey- Everyone else is doing a fine job without you.

7. Don't go around the schoolyard and run everyone over with a Go-Kart.

8. It's no use trying to run from Derby. He'll just hire people to track you down.

9. Don't randomly start playing air-guitar in the hallways.

10. Don't throw flowers at Kirby Olsen.

11. If you do so and Kirby says something like 'It's Poundcake time!' the correct answer is not 'It's about time!' The right thing to do would be to run.

12. Russell does not appreciate being called 'That big ape,' 'Bigfoot,' or 'IT'S A MONSTER!'

13. Don't burn the school down. It's not funny.

14. Try your best not to talk about money around the Greasers.

15. If Norton Williams is holding a sledge hammer and asking you what you are doing, the right answer is 'Leaving' not 'Taking out the trash.'

16. Don't make drum-beats out of Johnny Vincent's stomach. He doesn't appreciate it.

17. Do not mention the word 'Potato' around Johnny.

18. If a teacher says 'Shall I stop the lesson and let you continue your conversation?' do not say 'Yes.'

20. Do not ask Derby Harrington 'So, has the bird given you back your ice-cream yet?'  
He will most likely start crying.

21. Don't randomly scream 'YOU ARE MY FIVE STAR! OH YES YOU ARE!' because everyone will hate you forever.

22. Do not attempt to eat Tad Spencer. You'll give him nightmares.

23. If Trent Northwick raises his eyebrow at you and smiles, run in the opposite direction.

24. In a football game, when the Cheerleaders yell 'Which school's gonna win?' do not answer 'HOGWARTS!'

25. Don't pee in the Jock's cooler.

26. It would be best to play dead and suddenly get up while groaning if the Jocks are all running at you. They're all afraid of Zombies.

27. Ted Thompson is a football player, not a Jockey.

28. If Mr. Burton is walking near by, do not sing the following words: "He's climbin' in your windows! He's snatchin' your people up! Tryna rape em so y'all need to hide your kids, hide your wife. Hide your kids, hide your wife. Hide your kids, hide your wife. And hide your husband, 'cos he's raping everybody out there!"

29. If you see Christy Martin, be quiet until she's gone. Consequences are fatal.

30. It would be a good idea to not take Johnny or Derby hostage - Bif and Peanut will kill you.

31. If Bif and/or Peanut catch you doing that, drop the clique leader/s and run for it, don't stand there and wave cheerily.

32. Don't feed Chad's dog. He bites.

33. Don't feed Chad. He also bites.

34. Don't put your hand anywhere near Johnny's mouth- he'll bite it.

35. Try not to say anything when a Jock asks you if you like sports. If you say yes, he'll make you join the football team. Say no and he will beat you.

36. Don't throw Bif at Derby.

37. Don't ask Damon West if he's from the Wild West.

38. If you see Pete wearing shades, don't laugh and take them- he needs them for his temporary blindness.

39. If you see someone getting hit by a car, do not scream their name and throw yourself at their body, sobbing. Run and get help instead.

40. Townies don't like it when you smile. Try to frown all the time instead.

41. Do not throw yourself out of the window at any time.

42. Do not throw someone else out of the window at any time.

43. Avoid the windows completely at all times.

44. Don't smack Kirby's butt, especially not when Trent is anywhere near you.

45. The only exception to the rule above is if you are Trent Northwick.

46. Don't worry if Dr. Watts is trying to exorcise you. This is normal behavior.

47. If Parker Oglivie randomly interrupts your conversation by yelling 'POTATO!' in an ecstatic voice, just ignore him.

48. Derby does NOT have blue blood, so don't cut him to find out, especially if any other Preps are in the area. Johnny learned the hard way.

49. Don't burn this list. Surveillance cameras are everywhere.

50. If you see a werewolf, don't bother telling anyone. It's probably just Jimmy in a mask.

51. Don't lock Earnest in a box and shake it around.

52. Don't lock Jimmy in a box and shake it around.

53. Don't lock _yourself_ in a box and shake it around.

54. Don't tell Gord Vendome that he has no fashion sense.

55. Don't jump out of a tree and land on top of Ricky Pucino. You'll scare him.

56. If Lola Lombardi says that she loves you, don't believe her. And DON'T tell Johnny ANYTHING.

57. If Peanut is insulting you, don't reply with 'Go hug a Johnny.'

58. Don't throw salt at Peanut.

59. Don't throw peanuts at Peanut.

60. Don't throw yourself at Peanut.

61. Juri might not know English, so avoid using big words.

62. Don't randomly start singing 'Jai Ho' if you see two people kissing.

63. Don't run onto the football pitch during a game, you might confuse the Jocks.

64. Don't reply to anyone's sentence with 'It's not my fault that you look like a gnome!'

65. If the conversation you are having is boring, don't do a drum roll on the ground and sing 'HAAAH!'

66. Don't fall off the dock.

67. Don't push anyone off the dock.

68. Don't drown anyone, that's going too far.

69. Don't say that you like potatoes anywhere near Parker, Johnny or Jimmy.

70. Don't dress up as a Grim Reaper and come up behind Dr. Watts.

71. Don't dress up as Edna and come up behind Dr. Watts.

72. Don't come up behind Dr. Watts at all.

73. At breakfast time, lunch time, and dinner time DO NOT EAT ANYTHING THAT EDNA COOKED.

74. Don't attempt to fly.

75. Nerds don't like having books chucked at them, unless it's a good book.

76. Jocks don't like having Nerds thrown at them, unless it's a good nerd.

77. Don't sing 'you're gonna go far kid' whenever Bif walks past you. Try 'Eye of the Tiger' instead.

78. Unless you're Gary Smith, don't end every sentence with 'Hopkins.'

79. Don't strut around the school singing 'If I had you' unless your name is Adam Lambert.

80. Don't forget ANYTHING on this list. 


End file.
